Tag: Spiritual Psychology

September Re-membering you!

September Re-membering you!

 September Re-membering you!   Believe it or not but Southern California does have seasons! I feel the changes in the wind, the sea, and in my thoughts. Of course, our seasonal changes here are not as dramatic as they are in the mid-west, east coast or southern states. Perhaps California…

Continue reading

Right here. Right now. I AM Enough

Right here. Right now. I AM Enough – 6 Steps to healing your own upsets.

As a dedicated believer in the “self help” way of living my life, I know I must practice what I preach and more importantly, what I have learned. I spent 3 years studying spiritual psychology in order to learn the deeper meanings of why people do what they do. Also, I wanted credentials so I could help them do better. As fortune would have it, I found the University of Santa Monica. USM offered two Masters programs; one in Spiritual Psychology (SP), and the other in Consciousness, Health and Healing. (CHH)

It’s been nearly ten years since I walked through those glass doors at USM and I have been assisting the faculty in ushering new students through the program ever since. Why do I do this? To keep my learnings alive so I don’t get the same magazine with a different model on the cover every month.

I must remember… Right here. Right now. I AM Enough!I AM ENOUGH

I knew when I applied to go to USM that my education there would be “hands on” and “experiential.” It’s the reason I chose it. So many “self-help” programs, motivational seminars, and workshops that I had taken, were just fluff. They “fired up” the places inside me that hurt just enough to make me feel good, but that feeling never lasted more than two weeks after the course was over. I knew it would take more than that to re-program my old way of thinking about things, and more to the point, how I thought about myself. Here I am nearly 10 years later, still practicing a more conscious way of being in my life, and some days I still wake up with some of the same old uncomfortable, upsetting, pain. Only now, I know how to work with those feelings – because I know how to identify and clear them. Thanks to my teachers Dr’s. Ron and Mary Hulnick, and everyone who has ever been to USM.

Many of you who know me, read my book, or even “follow” me on social networks, probably think I Live the life of Riley, (whoever that is.) Yes, I do get to do many out of the ordinary things like walk red carpets, get all-access backstage at Def Leppard shows, host fashion film festivals, hang out with public figures, and follow my dreams, (brag-brag-brag) but only because I put myself out there. I go for it, and that takes the courage to get past my fears and upsets.  Of course I post the things I think will make people smile, and admire whatever it is I am doing. I don’t believe that Facebook is a place to play the victim and complain about my life. I go to USM or to my therapist to do that – because I know there – they will encourage me to take accountability for my upset, so I can “clear it once and for all,” as Dr. Ron Hulnick would say. One thing I know now is that we all suffer because most of us share the same rotten beliefs about ourselves – for no apparent reason.

You are probably wondering by now, “well if she isn’t living the Life of Riley, then what could she possibly be upset about?” And I am here to tell you – its probably not much different from whatever it is you are upset about- it just has a different magazine cover on it. For example, I have a colleague that I work with who can really make my blood boil. She is someone I respect and admire for her tenacity and non-stop-go-getter attitude in business. It’s why I hired her. On the other hand, she is a bitch to work with on many levels. Now I know that sounds like a projection – but hang on now- I’m just getting started on the judgments’ I have about her. The only difference between me and her is- I make a conscious effort to grow from the judgments’ I’m making by clearing them from inside myself. Thank God. Otherwise I would just fire her and move on to the next person who would most likely give me the same experience. You see that’s how it works, until we clear the judgments – those places inside that hurt- we just keep on having the same issues come up over and over- same magazine with a different model on the cover.

Last night she and I had a text battle on an issue having to do with a project we are working on together. She complained that some of the email addresses I gave her were wrong and implied that it was because someone didn’t know what they were doing. I asked her to send me a copy of the bounced back emails she was trying to send and I would take care of it myself so she wouldn’t have to go look for them. I reminded her that I have been asking her to copy me on all the emails she was sending on my behalf a few times, but for some reason she refuses to do that. She refuses to let me talk to her assistant too, for whatever reason. Maybe because she has been disrespectful and condescending to my own assistant, she may fear I’d do that to hers – or worse I might learn something about her that she doesn’t want me to know. I would never be rude to her assistant- in fact I applaud anyone who can work with this woman who is so hell bent on proving herself instead of being accountable. I reminded her in the text, (she wouldn’t talk on the phone with me- she was too busy- but she certainly had lots of time to text) that we are supposed to be on the same team. You can imagine why my blood began to boil. She would not cooperate. She would not share the emails- she would not let me connect with her assistant – she would not talk to me directly- she would not let me help her –she just wanted to complain that my assistant gave her the wrong emails. I told her it wasn’t my assistants fault and that she was doing the best she could, and that I would not ask my assistant to go back and find the addresses because obviously – whatever my assistant was doing – was never going to be good enough! I told her it would help if she could be more of a team player.

These texts went back and forth for over an hour- I never got anything I asked for. All I got was a review of her resume on how long she’d been doing this, and how good at it she is, and how I have no right to question her, and blah blah blah. It’s no wonder I woke up with anxiety asking myself why I’m paying this person who feels she has to prove herself to me? I don’t need this kind of aggravation….and then I asked spirit…”How is this happening “for”me? My inner counselor kicked in answering that question. I knew what I had to do. I had to learn the lesson. I had to identify my projections – my judgments on her – because I knew they would lead right to the heart of the judgments I had on myself. I would have to forgive them in order to heal them from deep inside. Otherwise, I would fire her and have the same experience with someone else.

So what were my judgments? I judged her for bragging about all the years of experience she had in her business, for being condescending to my assistant, rude, unaccountable, and for having to defend herself and prove her worth to me…that was it! That was what bothered me the most. She’s always telling me how great she is at her job- how long she’s been doing it- how successful she is- and I am thinking “well if you’re so great at your job – why do you feel you have to convince me?”

What did I do with all those judgments?

First, I asked myself how she was being a mirror to me. I identified the judgments – and then I forgave them. I didn’t have to forgive her– I had to forgive myself for judging and for buying into those beliefs about myself. I had to be accountable for my judgments first, in order to forgive them.

                                         “To forgive means to give as I gave before.”

I judged her for being uncooperative, rude, condescending, and the big one: always having to defend herself and prove her self worth by bragging about her years in the business and how good at it she is. Then I had to ask myself – how am I that way to myself and to others? (This is why judging others is so potent- its like throwing rocks at glass houses!) And the deeper cut- how often do I feel the need to prove myself to others?

The next step is doing the forgiveness and mine went like this: “I forgive myself for judging her as rude, condescending, un-cooperative, and for always having to prove herself. – I forgive myself for judging my-self for ever being rude, condescending, uncooperative, not being a team player, feeling the need to defend myself or prove myself” …and the deeper cut- “I forgive myself for buying into the mis-belief that I ever have to prove my worth to anyone for any reason.” WHY? Because I don’t have to prove anything. Right here. Right now. I AM Enough.

I can forgive myself for being so hard on myself too. If I validate myself I don’t need to get validation from out there. So, I learn to praise myself for all I have been and done, and for who I am today. I am good enough. I am already good enough – we are all good enough – and somehow worthiness is the thing we struggle with most. I don’t know why, but I do know after years of doing USM, prison projects, working with at-risk teens- women’s empowerment seminars… I’ve witnessed the fact that we all have the same core issues…and the things we need to clear and forgive are our own judgments on our own self-worth. It wasn’t until I recognized the projection and did the self forgiveness that I could move into the gratitude part. As I exhaled the judgments and forgave myself – I inhaled the lesson and appreciated myself for getting it.

I became grateful for the learning, grateful for the woman who gave me the opportunity, grateful for the university, grateful for the experience and grateful to myself that I would give myself the time and love to heal the issue at the core- once and for all. I’m not upset by her and I’m not upset with me. I am at peace. This is where self-love starts- giving yourself the time it takes to learn-heal and grow. Now I have a new magazine and a new cover that reads:

                                            Right here. Right now. I AM Enough. And so are all of you.

6- Steps to healing your own upsets.

1.) Identify – Look for the judgments you have on the person, the situation and on yourself.

2.) Be Accountable– Own it. Be honest with yourself. Where do those judgments reside in you? What are the beliefs you hold about yourself that don’t serve you?

3.) Forgiveness– Forgive yourself for buying into those irrational beliefs you have about yourself.

4.) Love & Compassion– Apply love to the place where those judgments lived. Be compassionate with yourself and others. We are all learning. There is an empty space there after a clearing and you want to breath love into those spaces. You deserve it. We all do.

5.) Appreciate the lesson, the person who gave it to you, and yourself for getting it! Say, “I am so grateful for this opportunity to heal and grow.” Thank yourself for showing up to the plate.

6.) Praise yourself. Give yourself kudos. Acknowledge yourself for your honesty, vulnerability and courage to do the work and love yourself.

 So dear friends – repeat after me:

Right here. Right now. I declare I am enough.

For more on the USM education go to http://universityofsantamnoica.edu

Blessings and Love,

Lorelei

 

 

 

 

 

L’Wren Scott: Life lessons learned through love

Gossip and Pretending to know…

Lorelei, L'Wren and Gloria at runway rehearsals in Dusseldorf

Lorelei, L’Wren and Gloria at runway rehearsals in Dusseldorf

A few weeks ago upon learning about the tragic death of L’Wren Scott, a familiar heavy breath contained “itself” inside of me. We spent a very meaningful part of our lives together back in our runaway modeling days. L’Wren and I had shared the trials and tribulations of twenty-something dreamers following our hearts in a world of our own, where significance was everything, and girls like us had to prove ourselves at every turn. We were part of a kind of sorority and held each other up when the chips were down. I had to make a conscious effort to exhale upon the reality of this upsetting news, as I had not seen L’Wren in recent times.

The life of a model can be a lonely one when living out of a suitcase is de-rigueur. You never know when or from where you’ll get your next booking and meal. The competition is fierce. You are constantly being evaluated based on your looks. We ate away our own self-esteem like maggots on leftovers. In reality, we were just young women in search of love and attention at the cost of our own self worth. Yet L’Wren and I never gave up. Even when they told us “You aren’t good enough” or “blonde enough” or in L’Wren’s case…”You’re just too tall.”

Dusseldorf

Dusseldorf

As a young traveler and adventurer before the days of smart phone cameras, I was the one documenting everything! Backstage behind the scenes I was always taking pictures of my model sisters dressing and undressing, sleeping under racks of designers’ clothes, or having picnics at the make-up mirrors. Most models were just trying to nurture their most basic needs. I searched through my collection of backstage photos to find those pictures I had taken of L’Wren, this lanky, raven-haired beauty, in happier times. Every image I have of her reflected light filled, glorious smiles and laughter. There were pictures of us kicking up our legs follies style during rehearsals for fashion shows in Dusseldorf, Paris and Milan. The outfits L’Wren wore then were stylishly edgy, and ahead of their time. At only 20 years of age, she had an inner sense of fashion and was a true fashion icon in her own right.

I read the speculations appearing as authority or ‘inside scoop” in tabloids stating, “Why would a girl who seemingly had everything take her own life?” I suddenly found my own pain reignited. As the former fiancé of the late guitarist Steve Clark from Def Leppard, I had been asked that same question a thousand times about him. In my own quest to try and answer that question, it led me to write Runway RunAway: A Backstage Pass to Fashion, Romance & Rock ’n Roll a few years ago. My life experience in losing Steve through his own tortuous journey of self loathing, pain and consequent slow suicide led me to delve into 20 years of 12 -Step meetings, reading (or writing) multiple self-help books and ultimately earning double degrees in Spiritual Psychology and Consciousness Health & Healing from the University of Santa Monica. I currently volunteer with the Freedom to Choose Foundation, facilitating communication skills and self-forgiveness with the inmates at the Valley State Prison in Chowchilla, California.  I really came to terms with what was bothering me most about L’Wren Scot’s death during a session when one of the inmates practiced a technique called “perception checking” on me.

The prickly pieces of my pain were two-fold: One piece was that there was this “twenty something” part of me that needed to grieve, but I was not acknowledging the younger part of me still crying inside. I felt I had no right to grieve since I hadn’t seen L’Wren in years. Those haunting irrational beliefs of unworthiness and insignificance covered me like clouds. I had been following her glorious career path, her glamorous love life and I was so happy for her personal and professional success in the world. I’d often smile thinking, “Wow, good for her, she made it!” You see many of the girls I knew didn’t make it. They’d struggled with their own addictions or died and caused their untimely deaths as a result of those same feelings of insignificance in the fashion world. Memories came forth of L’Wren and I sharing musty hotel rooms on the road, whispering in the dark recanting stories of our childhood neglect and abandonment. L’Wren was an orphan adopted at birth and I a runaway teen. We fended for ourselves back then and now that feeling of being “alone in the world” was calling me back.

The second piece of my upset was the presumptuous press surrounding her death…what I feel is the act of pretending to know. Speculations appeared about her financial debt, possible issues with her boyfriend or cancellation of her fashion show and finally “her losing face” as the cause. No one has written about L’Wren’s inner pain as a potential cause. It was as if her outer world reality is now defining her identity. In reality, to L’Wren it was her inner world that truly mattered. How can any of us ever profess to know what it felt like to have been abandoned by birth parents and then abandoned again when her own adoptive parents died? None of us will never know her suffering or how she felt about herself. What we can express is our compassion and love for her and our own.

The tragic death of L’Wren taught me just how painful gossip can be. In pretending to know or make assumptions about another person, we are gossiping. To quote Dr. David Paul from the University of Santa Monica and Co-Founder of the Freedom to Choose Foundation who so skillfully mirrored back to me in my grief: “It is even more painful when we gossip to ourselves.” In other words, every time I say negative things to myself about myself, I am gossiping inside myself. This is where the pain of “pretending to know” begins.

Runway rehearsals- Dusseldorf

L’Wren Scott in Germany –

Me telling myself I wasn’t worthy of grieving the loss of her and that our friendship was insignificant, only hurt that younger part of me who indeed shared love, laughter, runways and whispers in the dark with the beautiful L’Wren. Here I was,  imprisoning myself from the truth of who I am as a worthy person. In that moment, standing in front of over 300 female prisoners and anchoring myself in my worthiness, I forgave myself for my own misinterpretations of who I am. I am so grateful to have shared even a piece of my life with such a strong and gentle soul such as hers. Thank you L’Wren, you made the world a more beautiful place and it is my intention to add to the sum-total of significant love and beauty in this world you left behind.

See you again up on the Runway in the Sky.

Forever and Ever,
Lorelei Shellist

Best-Selling Author, Fashion/Beauty Columnist @ Find Bliss Magazine, Model, Spokesperson, Host and Fashion Icon™ Stylist -SAG / PEN USA / FGI / FTC / USM

Pretending to know PDF

How to become a Fashion Icon™ with clothes already in your closet!

Once you discover the Fashion Icon inherent in you, you’ll understand what you really do need in your closet and why.

Become your own Fashion Icon™- armoire with clothes and shoes spilling out it

How to become a Fashion Icon™ with clothes already in your closet!

When you know your FASHION ICON PERSONALITY ARCHETYPES,™ it is much easier to make sense of the “Closet Puzzle”.

Letting go of old favorites, even when they “don’t fit,” or, are “out of style,” brings up issues that may trace back to our childhoods. Remember when you had to finally give up that blanket or stuffed toy and grow up? Many times we hold on to things that are symbols of “security” or “comfort,” even when we have grown out of them, or they have passed their shelf life. What happens is they just take up space and add to the clutter. This physical world block is like an emotional traffic jam in our closets and drawers. It is how we “stuff things” in the material world, when what we really need is to find that comfort and security inside of ourselves so we can express ourselves through the way we dress with confidence and ease. Releasing anything; clothes, ideas, irrational beliefs, even relationships, is always a process. It doesn’t have to be painful. It’s all in how we approach it.

This program will help you release items that are not really “you,” and see the clothes you do have – in a new and fashionable way.

You will…

  • Transform and up-level your self image while making sure each item in your closet really belongs there.
  • Create space and turn your closet into a sacred place.
  • Release & Let Go of thoughts and beliefs that don’t support you in feeling and looking your best.
  • Release excess clothing that you’ll never wear and make room, so your closet is easy to visualize & organize.
  • Receive Tax Breaks when you Donate to your favorite Charity.
  • Choose outfits more quickly when dressing on the fly.
  • Open up energy and space for the Fashion Icon You™ to come through.

Do the clothes in my closet really belong to me?

Bliss and Bare Beauty

Someone took the fun out of fashion and I want it back! Dear Beauties, I hope you will enjoy my column this month in FIND BLISS Magazine for more about discovering the beauty inside of you.  Does a rose judge its thorns? I don’t think so. When we begin to accept ourselves…

Continue reading